


Torn

by Heylittleyahtzee



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2014-09-09
Packaged: 2018-02-16 17:25:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2278332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heylittleyahtzee/pseuds/Heylittleyahtzee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Vulnerability. Jemma won't leave Fitz until he wakes up. Skye comes by to convince her eating and sleeping are things she actually needs to do before she seriously hurts herself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Torn

Jemma doesn’t know what time it is when Skye appears in Fitz’s hospital room. She hasn’t really known the time for days, simply drifting from task to task as they’re given to her. The nurses somehow always know when her hands start to fidget, when her mind starts to race and her heart starts to panic. She is not the doctor now, but she helps. She needs to help.

Jemma sits next to Fitz’s bed and stares at her hands. Once in a while there’s a noise or a draft and her head shoots up. It’s never Fitz, hasn’t been Fitz a single time in the last four days but that fact does nothing to deter the surge of hope she feels every time it happens. She crosses and uncrosses her fingers, counts to one hundred and starts again.

Skye stands outside the room for a long time before she goes in. When Jemma missed dinner she’d known she had to do something. They’d watched Jemma slowly slip away with every passing hour, picking at her food and staying abnormally silent. Skye couldn’t watch her fade away anymore. Jemma looks pale and small through the window of Fitz’s room. The dark circles under her eyes feel like an omen, a warning that something must be done. Skye doesn’t know how she’s going to do this, but there’s no one else that Jemma trusts enough to even consider. Skye knows that, at least.

Skye knocks softly on the doorframe and Jemma’s head jerks up. She looks to Fitz first and then Skye, a dull glimmer of surprise drifting over her. Skye flashes her a quick smile and leans against the wall. She doesn’t know how Jemma will react to her proposal so it’s best to take it slow. Jemma opens her mouth to say hello but nothing comes out. She sighs instead, her attention turning back to her fingers.

Skye pushes off the wall and wanders over to Jemma. She ignores the nerves bubbling in her stomach and strokes Jemma’s hair, greasy and flat instead of its usual soft shine. Jemma leans ever so slightly in Skye’s direction. The touch feels alien after so long without anything like it. It’s not long before Skye moves from her hair to her hands. She plucks them out of Jemma’s lap and massages the tension away as Jemma watches with dull eyes.

“Haven’t seen you in a while,” Skye murmurs, “We’ve both been a little busy, huh?”

“I suppose,” Jemma says.

“I came down to see if you’ve eaten,” Skye explains. Jemma shrugs.

“You need to eat,” Skye reminds her, “You can’t help Fitz if you die of starvation.”

“He’ll wake up,” Jemma replies quickly. Any second now. Skye sighs and crouches down in front of Jemma.

“Jemma,” she says in a voice that makes Jemma look down at her. Skye’s eyes are soft and firm, “I know you haven’t really slept in days, okay? Or showered. At breakfast you hardly ate. Please come upstairs with me so we can get you taken care of. Fitz understands.” Jemma shakes her head. Regret and guilt claw at her throat. She can’t leave.

“I need to be here if something happens,” she explains. Skye stands up and cups Jemma’s face in her hands. It’s a more intimate touch than they’re used to, but Skye finds she can’t help herself.

“He’ll be here when we get back,” Skye insists, “The doctors say he’s stable and that-“

“It only takes a second,” Jemma reminds her.

“Trust me, Jem,” Skye pleads. Jemma doesn’t know if it’s Skye’s palms against her cheeks or the way Skye is looking at her but the world seems to come into focus. It’s been so long since she felt anything, the hunger and tiredness fading into the dull thrum of life long ago. Her tongue feels dry and her lips crack when she runs her tongue over them.

“I can’t leave him,” she says, “He sacrificed himself so that I could make it to the surface. There wasn’t even a guarantee that I would live and he… he did it anyway. Giving me the slightest chance at life was more important than all of his.” She stands abruptly, Skye’s hands falling away as Jemma takes a step towards Fitz. She feels she ought to kiss him, like it might wake him up as it does in fairytales. Perhaps if she loved him they wouldn’t be in this mess. If only she loved him the universe would have let them through unscathed. That’s what true love does isn’t it?

Skye doesn’t know what to do. She’s never seen Jemma this broken. She’s acting as if Fitz is already gone, as if these moments are the last she’ll ever have with him. She wraps her arms around Jemma’s waist and presses into her back like somehow that will keep her in one piece. Jemma closes her eyes and breathes in deeply. She can’t do this. She can’t have Skye holding her tight while Fitz lies comatose in front of them.

“Skye,” she whispers, voice cracking. Skye hushes her and loosens her arms just enough for Jemma to turn around. Jemma buries her face in Skye’s neck and hugs her tight. It feels like the last time. Whatever has been developing between them can never happen now. Every thought for Skye feels like a betrayal and in the end she’ll break Fitz’s heart anyway. She’ll lose both of them one right after the other and there’s nothing she can do.

“It’s going to be okay,” Skye reassures her. Jemma shakes her head and presses a kiss to Skye’s cheek. One more apology for one more person she has to let down today.

“We can’t do this,” she says. Skye’s brow furrows.

“What do you mean?” she asks. Jemma lets out a shaky breath and closes her eyes again. She knows if she thinks about any of this any longer she’s going to start crying and then there really won’t be any hope of keeping it together when Fitz wakes up.

“Us, whatever it is, we can’t,” she tries to explain. Skye’s heart beats faster as she tries to comprehend what Jemma is saying.

“I don’t… what? How is this relevant right now?” she asks.

“Fitz told me he’s in love with me,” Jemma explains, “He said that’s why he had to let me have the oxygen, to show me how much I mean to him. The first thing I have to do when he wakes up is break is heart and I can’t just shove a new relationship in his face when he’s risked his life for me. I’m sorry Skye, truly, you can’t possibly know how much I… I understand if we can’t be friends just please don’t think you did anything wrong or that you could have prevented this in anyway. I’m the one who’s failed to-“ Skye pulls Jemma back into a tight hug and Jemma stops talking.

“We will never not be friends,” Skye says firmly, “I don’t care if you reject me to pine after a cactus or a cadaver, we are always going to be friends Jemma Simmons.” Jemma can’t breath, can’t think beyond a constant repeat of Skye’s words as they sink deep into her bones. Her fingers dig into Skye’s back, no stopping the tears now. Skye whispers sweet things as Jemma cries into her shirt. God, if she’d known Jemma was having this crisis she would have come sooner.

“Fitz isn’t going to care,” Skye says, “You know that right? I mean, okay, he’s in love with you but… he loves you, too. You’re practically his other half, romantic or not. Whatever happens between any of us doesn’t matter. No one’s going anywhere.”

“It sounds so simple when you say it like that,” she croaks, “but I can’t help think we’re going to drift apart.”

“Whatever happens, Fitz is never going to let the two of you go separate ways and neither will you. Besides, we can’t know anything until he wakes up anyway. How about you come with me upstairs and we’ll get you all presentable for when he wakes up?” Skye suggests. Jemma looks over at Fitz. He’s unchanged, completely oblivious to the conversation they’ve just had. She hates to say it, but the exhaustion and deprivation are finally starting to get to her. Jemma sniffles and wipes her eyes on her sleeves. She must look a total mess.

“All right,” she agrees, “But not for very long.” Skye nods and gently leads Jemma from the room. Jemma puts her hand over her mouth to muffle the sob that escapes as they step over the threshold. Everything in her is telling her to go back, but Skye’s arm at her back is soft and insistent. Fitz would hate it if he knew she wasn’t taking care of herself, Jemma reasons. He’ll forgive her.

Even if she doesn’t.


End file.
